On last week’s Champions School podcast, former Arizona Diamondbacks prospect Zach Nerir said it best “You can’t find your identity in what you do”. That simple but yet so powerful of a sentence hit me like a wave. Most of us spend so much time trying to figure out what our identity is. Many times, we think we have found our identity in one singular item, then we lose it, and we feel lost. Often, we seek to find our identity in external forces that we can’t control, like our job or another person. We as humans are on this never-ending journey trying just to grasp a sense of self. A sense of who we are. An understanding of what drives us. A sense of what motivates us to be better people every single day.
A combination of our personality traits, your unique abilities, your belief system or moral code, and the things that motivate you daily contribute to your unique identity as a person. We can get lost on our journey trying to find ourselves with so many outside and external pressures heading our way.
What Leads Us to Feeling Lost?
Austin and Zach both spoke about this at length on the podcast. The moment they got released from professional baseball, they felt that they had lost their identity. They went from playing the one thing they knew day in and day out to suddenly having that ripped away from them. That loss can leave a gap or empty space inside you. A loss of a job, profession, or role that we think defines us can lead to a considerable sense of lost identity. We can also lose our identity through relationships with others by changing our behaviors to accommodate others or doing things that we wouldn’t normally do to adapt to having someone else in our lives. The behavior changes can lead to a total loss of who you are.
Your mindset plays such a huge role when trying to find your sense of self. Losing your identity can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, depression, and lack of self-confidence and can completely change who you are around the ones you love and other social settings. We can fall into this trap of thinking that our identity is defined by what others think about us, our looks, our everyday behaviors, which leads us into a constant worry about being judged by others, so we change who we are in the hopes of “fitting in.” Later on in the podcast, Zach stated that “I finally got to a point where I didn’t care, wasn’t going to allow how I play define me, and I played better than I ever have.” He found relief in letting go of what others thought and not defining who he was by his sport.
So How Do You Find Your Identity?
You find your true identity through self-awareness and letting go of conditioned thoughts. A big first step is letting go of the beliefs that others have of you and realizing that those don’t define who you are. Another giant step is understanding that your successes and failures also don’t define you.
You might be wondering what some of the keys are to help build your identity. I thought I’d lay out some significant steps to help you on your journey of gaining a sense of self, some of which come from this great article done by Crystal Raypole at Healthline:
- Stay Present: Find a way to stay in the moment. Focus on what you can control at the time, and don’t worry about the future outcomes.
- Reflect on What Gives You Purpose: We discussed the importance of journaling early on in last week’s podcast. Take the time to write down and reflect on what gives you purpose. What gets you up in the morning? What gets you out of bed, ready to crush the day?
- Define Your Values: As the Healthline article above states, your belief system can help you recognize what matters most to you. Values can also help guide the boundaries you want to set in your life. Your values and beliefs are fundamental aspects of your identity.
- Make Your Own Choices: Make decisions that put yourself first. The decisions that you make should put your health and well-being before others. Do things because you want to do them.
Lastly, remember never to be afraid to be yourself. I know that sometimes with all the pressures from society to look a certain way, feel a certain way, or be perfect can be overwhelming. Know that you are not alone in your search for your identity, that it is normal to have self-doubt, and that it might take a little time for self-discovery. Every one of us has gone on this journey of trying to discover who we are, and quite frankly, it can be a never-ending journey. But take time to stay present, find your purpose and what you value, and remember that the outside and external voices will never define who you are.
